Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Is that your final guess?

'Thought you'd never ask,' murmured Jim from under his red full cap with a little flashy round logo sewn onto it. A glimmer of madness sparked in his eye as he raised his eyebrows and tilted his face pugnaciously towards T. 

'Well, I am asking. What you've done seems like a very odd thing to do. I'm just puzzled,' explained T, simultaneously scratching his flashy round head and eating a mat square apple. Or was it the other way around? 'And as far as puzzle go, I'm just trying to put the pieces together,' continued T, as he was trying to put the pieces together. 

'Hah!' Jim snorted. He was clearly entertained by the whole conundrum. 'This is entertaining. Tell you what, T. Let's play a game. I'm gonna call it... "Guess"', he proposed as a fiendish grin appeared firmly planted on his face like a nice green plant. 'And guess what: you're gonna have to guess.'

'Oh man. Not this shit again.' T knew what was coming. 'I guess I'm gonna have to guess,' he sighed with a resignation in his voice so heavy, it made a bird fall onto the ground as it reached the flying creature's well hidden ears. The bird dusted off its feathers and looked angrily at the two men. It seemed to weigh the pros and cons and the problems and consequences it would face after killing two people and it ultimately decided against it, then flew away.

'Okay, dude. Let's do this!' Attentive observers would have sworn they saw droplets of saliva jumping for life out of Jim's filthy, excited mouth. 'Welcome to our show! Tonight's contestant number one is almighty T! Hello, T! PLEASE STEP INTO THE GUESS ROOM!' shouted Jim with pride booming in his voice, echoing through canyons and any geographical terrain features with similar characteristics. The atmosphere bounced the sound back towards the planet as it was ashamed of letting this abomination venture into the outer space.

'Alright, Jim, I know the drill.' T was anxious to get the whole ceremony over with as soon as possible. 'I worked on an oil refinery for 3 goddamn years. Let's get this whole ceremony over with as soon as possible.' 

'This is the first and last question,' said Jim, building up the tension and excitement. In his own head. 'Are you ready?'


'Why???' asked Jim, and everyone around them stood in silent expectation. Well, everyone certainly would have if they were there instead of not being there.

'Let's think,' said T, thinking, 'Maybe because you're a fucking lunatic? An absolute asshole of the highest proportions? A humongous prick?' T's answer was well thought out. He didn't leave a stone unturned during the journey to his mental palace.  

'Never took you for much of a Mad Max 2 fan,' said Jim playfully, and quickly retreated to his role of a game show host. 'Are you sure? One hundred percent? Are those your final answers?'

'Yes,' responded T patiently, knowing there is no other way around it than to play along. 'Those are my final answers.'

Jim paused for a second. He could have sworn he could testify via Spotify before a grand jury that he could hear a sound of a beating heart with volume turned up a couple of notches for dramatic purposes. 'Well, T... I know it's been a dramatic show so far. I know you had to dig deep like a miner and you had to journey into the depths of your essence, you had to take a step inside your soul... Sole. Get it? Hah, hah!' said Jim with all the unhealthy arousal of an electrocuted hamster and all the dignity of an undignified but certified bastard.

'No, you get TO it. I'm tired and I need to know why you did it.' argued T, with a sense of anxiety and tiredness. 

'Well, ladies and gentlemen, the correct answers are...' paused Jim to, supposedly, become even more annoying, 'We'll let you know after a quick commercial break. Stay with us!'

'No,' T's face turned both purple and 360 degrees around it's axis. 'This shit won't do. WHY THE HELL DID YOU STEP ON MY CAT, YOU DICKHEAD?'

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