NOIR. 6. Falling Short

This is a series concering the Blue Sky Black Death's music album NOIR.
It ties in with the happiest moments of my life as it was there to witness them.
I would like to help you see the images I see whenever I hear the songs.
Some of them feel very real, some of them are more abstract.

"FEAR"

If I fall short

If I don’t make the grade
If your expectations aren’t met in me today

You always have it in the back of your mind. Somewhere there, a constant notion lurks behind your thoughts. You feel a presence, a layer of mist hovering right below your feet. It’s dense and almost palpable as it hampers your movements, slows you down. Taking steps forward requires more effort.

It fills you with doubt and anxiety. You accuse it of steadily taking away small bits of your essence and quietly chewing off parts of your character with its tiny sharp teeth, preventing you from reaching your full potential. You think you’re unable to operate at full capacity, like you're missing a vital cog in the machine. It seems you feel like you can’t be yourself in a true sense. In your eyes it's a remarkably high and unforgiving hurdle you just can't jump over. Not yet...

Every day you wish you it was gone. You pray you could get rid of it once and for all, throw it in a pit of fire and watch it turn into ashes and be swept away by gale winds. But it’s always there when you lie down to sleep at night and it’s there to greet you in the morning. It keeps coming back like a loyal dog and makes sure you remember it with its distant barking echoing through the chambers of your mind. It's a photograph you can't avoid looking at. You can’t escape it. You can see it when you look in the mirror. It’s a part of you.

You can blame it for your shortcomings all you want. But the truth is you need it. You need it to remind you what’s at stakes. It’s there to help you realize what is right and what is wrong. It clears the fog enshrouding your inner path. It’s a necessary gavel that turns you into a better judge. It’s one of the parts of an engine that drives you forward and steers you away from danger. It can motivate you far better than the most moving of speeches. It works better because it’s yours, because it’s personal. It knows you like you know yourself.

And you should learn how to know it too. Welcome it. Let it earn your trust. Instead of treating it like an intruder let it join in with you  on your journey and help create a power inside of you, a great force you can call on to in order to reach your true becoming. Focus. Embrace it. Use it.

Until then take solace in the comforting presence of its dear relative. A great friend who has always been there for you in time of need. A loyal companion whom you cherish with enthusiasm and gratitude. After all, as dire as your circumstances can be, it helps you get through everything. It's at the end of the tunnel, call it a glimmer of...

There’s always tomorrow, or tomorrow night

______________

Previous entries:

1. Our Hearts Of Ruin. "The Hill"
2. Sleeping Children Are Still Flying. "The Glow"
3. And Stars, Ringed. "The Seeds"
4. To The Ends Of The World. "To Dream"
5. Farewell To The Former World. "The Escape"