Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I can Phil it Collins' underwear is tight

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord

Is it oxygen and nitrogen and other genes? Pathogens and allergens and genes from a bottle and hallucinogens. That's right. You're trippin', dude. Lay off it. Seriously. I know you wanted some sea food and ordered shrimps but you mumble so inarticulately they thought you wanted shrooms. And what's with the last part? Are you such a big fan of fat that you call out for lard?

I've been waiting for this moment, all my life, oh lord

Patience is a virtue. Waiting all your life for one moment is silly though. You could've done some cool shit in the meantime like petting a panda or water skiing naked or sleeping in a bathtub filled with hot water and warm women. 

Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord, oh lord 

*sniffs air* You pig. Stop laughing out loud. Twice. Ain't funny.

Well, if you told me you were drowning

Couldn't, I was drowning. Had water in my mouth and nose and lungs and other vital organs such as urethra and biceps. We're mostly water so we're drowning all the time anyway. Blrbrlblrblr.

I would not lend a hand

Cheapskate. What about a foot? I'd pay you back in the footure. Honest.

I've seen your face before, my friend

*looks around* lay off the Pornhub. Not healthy.

But I don't know if you know who I am

I know who you are. You have your name written on the thing. But if you ask whether I looked into your soul to know your true self or not… then nah.

Well, I was there and I saw what you did

Shiiiiiiet. Appreciate not calling the cops! You done did me a solid. Maybe I misjudged you.

I saw it with my own two eyes

Glad you specified the amount of eyes. Wouldn't want to give yourself out as a cyclops, what with the hunting season in full swing. Cyclops eyes are more expensive than you realize, see.

So you can wipe off the grin, I know where you've been

Can't a man just be happy he had a nice poo? And I wiped it well. Wait, what?

It's all been a pack of lies

I love Lie's. Especially paprika and onion flavoured. Lie's are the best. Always getting a few packs myself. 

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord

Yeah, you can.

I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh lord

You have.

I can feel it in the air tonight, oh lord, oh lord

You can. You are repeating yourself. Are you OK?

And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh lord, oh lord

You have. You are repeating yourself. Are you OK?

Well I remember, I remember don't worry

Oh, alright. Had me going there for a moment, fella.

How could I ever forget, it's the first time, the last time we ever met

When was that exactly? I think I remember that but we haven't really spoken then have we? I'm not one to talk much. I wonder--do you know the reason why I keep my silence up? Do I fool you?

But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, no you don't fool me

Dammit. Smart bastard.

The hurt doesn't show; but the pain still grows

What happened? Hit your toe? I know the pain but it will pass like a gas. 

It's no stranger to you or me

True, we're both familiar to it. I'm WhatsApping it sometimes. It helped me out a lot when I had no money. If it wasn't there I'd still be broke. No pain, no gain.

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord

So you claim. I hope it came. Holding it in for too long can have negative effects. 

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