Tuesday, February 17, 2015


I can't stay here any longer. I have to leave, put the place behind me. Jump into a car and smash the rearview mirror. Fire up the engine and cast off with the screech of tires.

Don't look back.

Never come back.

Coming back... It would mean death.

The place... it became something else. At first, its foundations were laid unbeknownst to anyone, a quiet work on the side, at night, with nobody watching, nobody noticing anything. Beautiful craftsmanship, unlike any I have ever seen was being brought into life during long nights that seamlessly blended into early mornings. It was like a summoning spell bringing the best a different dimension had to offer. The place kept on developing, stacking up on walls and floors, reaching higher and higher every night, every day, every time.

After a while, the people who made it and turned it into their home... they invited me in. Frankly, up to that point I have been looking for a place like that all my life.

So when the question was asked, batting an eyelid wasn't even an option. I moved in.

Jumped in with both feet and dove in.

What a decision that turned out to be. If I was to make it again I would do it a thousand times over.

Everything good that ever happened, happened in the place. Initial fears turned out to be unsubstantiated. Things went smoothly. Things were beautiful. People were beautiful. Wonderful things, wonderful people, palpable emotions filled the interactions between me and them. I wanted it to last forever. I was ready to take it all in. I have given everything.

But the place... it became something else. Cracks started to show. People kept leaving the place and refused to come back. Their ranks, our ranks, grew thinner and thinner. They stopped caring, they stopped asking, stopped answering, just stopped. Slowly drifted away and took a sharp turn behind the horizon.

Worst part was I had no idea why.

Why? Why... WHY?

I guess what I've given wasn't enough to keep them.

I was left alone.

So today I finally gathered up the courage to look around me. I looked at the place for the last time. I'm still looking at it. It reminded me, still reminds me, of all that was ever good in my life.  Every wall, every inch, every empty space contained within the place is a relic of the past, a museum exhibition of happy, kind, silent moments that were no longer. It crumbled. Nothing is invincible. Nothing ever lasts.

That's the death.

Despite the pain it eventually brought, I still kept on believing that we could restore the place to its former glory. But the people... they wouldn't listen. I know they could hear me but they wouldn't listen.

They moved on and I stayed behind.

Now it's my turn to go.

I'm standing here, at the porch, with my luggage packed.

Torn. Lost. Confused.

I still believe...


I don't want to go but I have to.

I can't go but I want to.

I need to...

Staying at the place would drive me insane. I would live in everything that I wanted but was never meant to be.

That's... beyond my strength.

I wasn't strong enough. I'm too weak.

But it wasn't me who gave up on the place.

What difference does it make now...

Question is... What do I do now?

The people... I can barely hear them.

What are they saying?

Do I take the step forward? Into where? Towards what?

What if someone comes back to the place?

I don't want to leave......

I have to...

I can't, I can't, I can't

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